din read the thing

[transportive]

Once Molly was awake, the request was natural. Of course that hadn’t been the reason why he offered (he didn’t ask, he needed to do it but it wasn’t a request) to help Matt, but he’d have been lying if he said that the thought hadn’t crossed his mind, either. For all that he’d been told to give up on him, Nathan had still held fast to the thought that Peter had survived that explosion. After all, Nathan had, if barely; his little brother was supposed to follow suit, aspire by his example. Peter was soft, but he was supposed to be a survivor.

So when he found out that Peter really was alive somewhere and once the shock, relief, and even anger, had worn off, he drew up a plan. ‘Ireland’ was too vague, especially with a time-lapse: Peter could make a lot of ground in even a single day, never mind weeks. And here was Matt Parkman, saving a little girl who could be—was an invaluable resource. It was no small thing, having that opportunity handed to him.

“She can find Peter.”

“No way.”

In that brief pause before Nathan acquiesced to Matt’s request to just leave her alone, a dozen thoughts went through his mind. He might have tried to keep them under control, filtered, while he was normally around Matt, but he was tired. Tired and angry—that Peter had been fine for months and it was kept from him; that their mother had given up on her younger son. That maybe he had thrown away no small part of his life for the sake of a lie.

He looked past, to Molly, and saw his chance to fix his family.

He looked away, back to Matt in the doorway, and saw a man protecting his daughter.

So he did back down, hoping that he had spoken enough in his silence. Matt had pulled the ‘father’ card to get him off of Molly’s case, and Nathan had respected that. But by surrendering that easily, at that moment, he had shown more of his hand than he had wanted to. Because it wasn’t just the respect, it was the nature of it: father.

Sacrificing the children for the sake of the brother.

This time, though, it wasn’t his family to throw away.

He leaned against one wall, his hand loose around his cellphone while he let himself think it through. He should call their mother, let her know what he learned—but he balked immediately at the thought. Him having been drunk or not, he remembered her blaming Peter’s death on him. He needed results, not promises. He needed to take it into his own hands, he had to find Peter. She told him he had to get his family back—that’s what he would do.

Nathan glanced up to the broken office door. He could hear Niki, back from seeing Suresh, talking to Bob in hushed tones—and he recognized that quality in her voice. He knew in an instant that the news wasn’t good. He was wrapped up enough in considering whether or not to wait for her, to finally really talk to her, that he didn’t notice Matt coming down the hall until he was almost upon him. He didn’t look back to him, kept his eyes on the splintered wood, but he also didn’t wait for Matt to say anything more than a “hey,” before he spoke up.

“Aren’t you and Suresh taking your kid back home?” he asked, plain and simple.

“Yeah, uh,” Matt’s voice was sheepish enough that Nathan turned his gaze back to him for a moment, meeting him head on. “Molly wouldn’t let us leave until I came back to talk to you.”

“Oh yeah?” Nathan knew he sounded defensive, but he didn’t much care at that moment. Let him know that he was frustrated; don’t let him see that he’s unsure of his direction. “Why’s that?”

“She said I should make sure you were okay.” The cop immediately put his hands up, as if to ward off whatever rebuttal might come from making that comment. Maybe he had picked up more from Angela than Nathan had thought. “Her words, not mine. So, you know, listen to your kid when she’s worried, right?”

“Yeah,” Nathan answered. He looked back to where he could just see Niki. “I know.”

“Right,” Matt frowned, aware that maybe he had struck a nerve. “So, are you? Okay, I mean.”

Nathan closed his eyes and counted backwards. He cleared his mind and resolved himself. “Parkman,” he said, “I found out that my brother is alive. This is the best news I could have asked for.” He felt Matt shift behind him, could almost see the frown that was being aimed at him. He took a moment to filter his thoughts into Italian; Matt likely knew a non-answer just as easily as Nathan gave them. He ignored the other man pointedly until he was forced to speak.

“Well, yeah, but—” He sounded frustrated for a moment. “Look, you know she’d probably do it if you asked, right? That’s why I can’t let you. She’s just a scared kid, Nathan. She just went through Hell and I can’t ask her to do it again. Peter—he can do what I can, so what if he…”

“I trust my brother, Parkman.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he’s a good guy, I got that. But if he’s mixed up in all of this somehow? He disappeared at the same time as Adam, and now he’s gone AWOL? He wouldn’t even know it was just a little girl trying to find him, not some Company agent.”

Peter could have changed. Peter was easily influenced, corruptible. He’d been missing for months, out of custody for weeks, with nothing but dead air. Nathan wanted a drink.

“… Right,” Matt said. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Nathan returned briskly. “You have your responsibilities, I can’t ask you to ignore those. You’re right that we have no idea what’s really going on here. We have to play it safe.”

The detective frowned, openly staring him down in a way that made Nathan stiffen, making a point to keep his thoughts under control. He saw out of the corner of his eye that he tipped his head to the side for a moment, frowning. It was only after that that he answered him. “We’ll find them, Nathan.”

“Right. Listen, keep my mother out of trouble, will you?” Nathan started, knowing full well that it didn’t have to be said. “I’m going to catch a flight to Ireland, see what I can find out. Any sign of Peter—any sign of Adam—and I’ll let you know.”

“Couldn’t you just…” Matt trailed off, apparently deciding to not bother even suggesting it. “I will. She’ll be fine, with her in custody and my dad down for the count. I’ll be following up on whatever I can find, maybe find something to get her out of custody.”

“Thanks,” Nathan said, inclining his head to Matt for a moment. He looked back once more, to Niki, and remembered her desperate, frightened phone call to him. He hadn’t helped her then, had refused to even listen; there was no reason that she would want his support now. He pushed himself off the wall, straightening his coat and turning to head for the exit. Matt turned and jogged a few steps to catch up.

“Hey, buddy, listen,” Nathan stopped when he felt Matt’s hand alight on his shoulder, pausing to glance back at him. He didn’t say anything. “I really am sorry, Nathan. I hope you get that. I’ll tell you if I find anything out, but I can’t use Molly again—and I can’t let anyone else. I just want her to be a little girl again; she doesn’t have to grow up so fast.”

“I get it,” replied the former politician, turning himself away and staring down the hall toward the exit. He resisted the momentarily urge to just knock the hand away. He surprised himself when instead he just said, “But I probably wouldn’t have done the same.”

“Wait, what do you—”

But Nathan had already started to walk away from him again, posture straight and never looking back. “Go home and take care of your family, Matt,” he ordered over his shoulder. “I’ll call you if I find mine.”